so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
