I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
