So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
