She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
