i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
