Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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