i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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