these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
