We're like a lot better than the average bears
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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