What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
