I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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