Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
