Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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