Do you still have your period?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
