He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
