I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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