i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
