I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
