Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I AM VODKA MAN
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
