bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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