So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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