I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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