i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
