she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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