Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you had me at cake vodka
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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