Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
