She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
