if only i could text you this smell
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
