we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
