Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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