kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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