i barfeds in our rink
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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