Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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