Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
