i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
