She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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