you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
