you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
