I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
