So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
