dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
