So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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