her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
