Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
