I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A+ Viking dick
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
