There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
