im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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