I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
