she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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