Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
