How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
