My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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